Patriot Springs Gazette 2
Leaders of the ice-fishing community, aiming for official Olympics recognition as a sport, have begun the process by asking the World Anti-Doping Agency to randomly test its "athletes" for performance-enhancing drugs, according to a February New York Times report. However, said the chairman of the U.S. Freshwater Fishing Association, "We do not test for beer," because, he added, "Everyone would fail." Ice-fishing is a lonely, frigid endeavor rarely employing strength but mostly requiring guile and strategy, as competitors who discover advantageous spots in the lake must surreptitiously upload the hauls lest competitors rush over to drill their own holes. Urine tests have also been run in recent years on competitors in darts, miniature golf, chess and tug-of-war, and in 2011, one chess player, two minigolfers and one tugger tested positive.
A generous local businessman recently graced the city of Okuizumo with funding for replicas of two Renaissance statues ("Venus de Milo" and Michelangelo's "David") for a public park. Agence France-Presse reported in February that many residents, receiving little advance warning, expressed shock at the unveiling of "David" and demanded that he at least be given underpants. (2) Fax machines, almost obsolete in the U.S., are still central to many tech-savvy Japanese families and companies (who bought 1.7 million units last year alone), reported The New York Times in February. Families prefer faxes' superiority to e-mail for warmly expressing Japan's complex written language, and bureaucrats favor faxes' preserving the imperative of paper flow.
In February, an off-duty Tampa police officer and an off-duty sheriff's detective from nearby Hernando County were awarded the sheriff's office's highest honor, the Medal of Valor, for exemplary bravery in an October incident in which a 42-year-old naked woman was shot to death by the officers. The woman was holding a gun and had made threats, and a 5-year-old boy was inside a truck that she wanted to steal. However, even though a neighbor had simply wrestled the woman down earlier, the officers still thought their only move was to shoot to kill. Said the woman's brother, "They shot a mentally disturbed, naked woman. Is that valor?"
In 2011, Julian Pellegrino pleaded guilty to DUI involving serious bodily injury to Mark Costa in Chicopee, Mass., and was sentenced to serve 18 months in jail, but that did not deter Pellegrino from filing a lawsuit in December, demanding $1.1 million for Costa's somehow "caus(ing)" his car to collide with Pellegrino's. Pellegrino (with a broken neck) was actually more seriously injured than Costa, who sued back, asking nearly $200,000. (In 2010, while Pellegrino was awaiting disposition of the case with Costa, he pleaded guilty to another DUI.)
Classic JOSEPH!
Continuing in the tradition of our four part series "Origins" we now move on to a new series. "Classic JOSEPH!" will introduce new readers to our first series run, which was published on InvestComics. This first strip (now three strips below) is also a scene in our first book "The Family Album".
To get the best viewing experience click the pic!
Patriot Springs Gazette
Have you ever wondered where in America Joseph and his family lives? Who hasn't! Wonder no more, because the mystery has been solved. Patriot Springs, America. Below is the cover page from the local paper. Enjoy!
Pediatric Parables
Jesus: Go
away, Ruthie. I’m playin’ Zombie Attack.
Ruthie: Oh!
Can I play Dinosaurs From Outer Space?
Jesus: Go to
your room and play your own game.
Ruthie: I
hate to disappoint you, big brother but as the babysitter it’s your job to
entertain me tonight.
Jesus:
*sigh* Make you a deal -- If I tell you a story will you leave me alone?
Ruthie:
Story-time? You want to sedate me with story-time? I’m ten not three!
Jesus:
C’mon, Ruthie. Give me a break. I’ll tell you a story and then you can go do
whatever you want, so long as you leave me alone.
Ruthie:
Fine. But you have to read whatever I want.
Jesus: Well,
what do you want me to read to you? How ‘bout The Red Unicorn by Professor
Hiccups? You used to love that book.
Ruthie:
Hello? Ten years old here!
Jesus:
Alright, alright. All grown up. I get it.
Ruthie
(grunting): I want this one.
Jesus
(massive book is dropped into his lap): Oh come on, Ruthie. This book is HUGE!
Ruthie: Read
it, babysitter!
Jesus: Hey,
I think I remember Pops reading this to me when I was your age.
Ruthie: Then
you should have no problems.
Jesus:
Alright, twerp. Sit down and— Where’d you get the popcorn?
Ruthie:
Always come ready for a show.
Jesus: Fine.
Just sit there and listen…
1.
Long ago,
before anyone knew how to remember, there lived an old and wise Architect who
loved trees. For many years the Architect lived a lonely life, making plans to
build the most beautiful arboretum the world had ever known.
In those
days there were no people in the world so the Architect worked alone. But it
happened one day that the Architect went to work building two robots that could
help him. When he had finished the robots he named them Mud and Clay, and the
three of them went straight to work building the Arboretum.
After many
years of work the Architect and his new robot friends finished the Arboretum
and it was more wonderful than ever imagined. It stood high into the sky and
faced every direction. The Architect dreamed that someday many people would
come from all over the world to see it so he made several entrances for easy
access. Then Mud and Clay amazed the Architect. Without any instructions the
robots filled the arboretum with every type of tree and variety of plants.
The
Architect was so happy that Mud and Clay had become their own free people that
he gave them the Arboretum as their new home, where there was peace and
prosperity.
For a time
there was joy for the Architect and the robots. But Mud and Clay wanted to
experience everything the world had to offer, and the Architect knew his
friends had to leave their home.
After many
years of wandering and adventures together Mud and Clay went their separate
ways. Alone in the world, each on their own grew weary of their loneliness. It
had been so long since they left the Arboretum they forgot how to get back home
and neither could find the other, they were so far apart. Just as their creator
had done the robots built their own creations. These robots, too, did the same.
For many generations this continued, until the entire world was filled with
robots.
The lonely
Architect respected the freedom of his robots but had always kept a watchful
eye on his friends. He knew of their creations and was proud they prospered in
the world.
Mud and Clay
passed the story of the Architect and the Arboretum to the robots they created.
For many generations the story passed after Mud and Clay themselves became a
story. No robot living could remember knowing the original robots, nor the
Architect and his Arboretum. But the stories remained.
2.
Now it came
to pass when the world had become populated by robots that the one named Click
found himself wandering the wilderness, attempting to escape the sameness of
everything surrounding him. For many days and nights he traveled, alone and
afraid.
Just when
Click thought he had made a mistake and decided to turn around and return to
his home he discovered the Arboretum, standing tall and alone in the
wilderness. He marveled at the fantastic sight he beheld and realized the
stories of the Architect and the Arboretum were true.
Click rushed
toward the Arboretum and found an entrance facing North. He entered with
excitement and nothing he had seen before compared to the beauty of the
Arboretum.
Inside the
Arboretum the Architect watched with joy as Click entered. He watched as the
robot took in the beauty of his creation and explored every level, gently
touching the trees, plants and all the life contained within. Happy to know the
robot the Architect approached Click to introduce himself. But to his surprise
the robot could not see him.
Click’s
ocular sensors were not manufactured in a way that would allow him to see the
Architect, but he could hear him. In the Architect’s presence the robot was
humbled. He begged to see him, and after the Architect inspected the robot he
was told that to change his perception would destroy the robot.
Click was
sad but the Architect comforted him. Then the Architect made Click feel very
important. He asked him to return home and tell everyone he knew and everyone
who would listen all he had seen and learned about the Arboretum. Click did as
he was asked and soon many robots were visiting the Arboretum.
The
Architect was happy that so many robots had come to the Arboretum, but there
were many who not only did not have the ability to see him but could not hear
him as well. Only Click and a select few had the ability to hear the Architect.
And not a single robot could see the Architect.
Click and
the other robots who could hear the Architect were asked to go out into all
directions of the world and tell any who would listen about the Architect and
the Arboretum. So each left the Arboretum from North, South, East and West, and
all points in between, to tell any who would listen that the Architect was
inviting the sons and daughters of Mud and Clay to the home they had never
known.
A funny
thing happened. Click and his friends did take the message of the Architect out
into the world, and robots did come to the Arboretum, many of them happy to do
so. For a time there was great joy. Then
there was confusion.
When Click
and the other robots told their listeners about the greatness of the Arboretum
the listeners went, but all entered from different directions. Each robot who
entered the Arboretum had their own unique experience, having entered from all
different directions. They in turn told their experiences to others and so on.
These experiences were varied and seemed to contradict one another. For although
every robot shared stories about the same Arboretum not every story was the
same. To a logical, rational and computational people this created chaos. And
with chaos came violence.
With a heavy
heart the Architect banned the robots, hoping to preserve the Arboretum. Doing
this confused the robots and those who considered themselves the Sons and
Daughters of Mud blamed the Sons and Daughters of Clay. For many generations after they fought one
another.
3.
The
Architect loved the robots and everyday watched as they crafted the world
around them into a place of their own imagining. When their metal cities
covered every land he made a decision. To better understand these new people he
needed to experience life the same way they did. The Architect needed to become
a robot himself.
Choosing a
daughter of Mud and a son of Clay he carefully took from each the parts he
needed. When he finished the work on the robot body he then transferred his
mind and took life as a new being.
When his new
eyes opened he was afraid. The world around him was different, smaller and
dangerous. Everything needed to be ordered, structured and fall into its proper
place. The former light of all he had perceived was now replaced by a grid of
technical readouts and his new body inferior to that which he had known before.
He waited a
time while he adjusted to his new body, then when he was ready he went out into
the world to experience life the same as every robot. Each robot he encountered
he began to teach, instructing them on simple ways to relate to one another:
Do not hurt
another robot, and do not hurt yourself; when you encounter another robot in
need help them.
Soon many
robots followed him, and they asked how he gained the knowledge of these
teachings. He answered them with the truth, telling them he was the Architect. He
became as they are so he could teach them new ways and their lives be enriched
so that someday they could join him at the Arboretum.
At hearing
these words there were some robots who loved the Architect, some who did not
believe, and some who thought his words were so illogical they wanted to
destroy him.
For a short
time the Architect lived as a robot with the people who accepted him and taught
them new ways. He gathered a small following of faithful robots who loved him
and his message, but the number of robots who feared his teachings was great.
They plotted against him and destroyed the Architect’s robot body.
4.
When the
Architect’s robot body was destroyed his mind returned to his natural form.
Then he went amongst the robots who had followed him and instructed them on how
to record their experiences with the Architect. Each robot recorded their own
experience and taught the words of the Architect to any who would listen.
The message
of the Architect is simple: Do not harm another robot, do not harm yourself,
and when you encounter another robot in need help them. Do these things and
someday you can join the Architect at the Arboretum, where there is peace and
prosperity forever.
Eventually
there were so many recordings the Architect decided there should be one great
catalogue for future generations to reference and it was so.
Many, many
generations later robots are still reading the Great Catalogue and fighting
over it. Today the Architect waits at the Arboretum, knowing someday the sons
and daughters of Mud and Clay will reach beyond their limitations and join him
in peace and prosperity forever.
God bless
the Architect.
Sugar Butt
JOSEPH! Origins pt 4
Twenty four strips. Excluding Sundays that's a month's worth of cartoons. Looking back at these original strips I still feel very strongly the series could work as a daily, seen in papers across America. Which brings us to the present and where we're yet to go.
Currently Rob Wrecks, founder of IndieComiX, has invited us to make his site a home for reaching more readers. I hope that while we're there it will encourage other cartoonists to bring their works to the site. Rob's focus is completely set on great independent comics and their creators. The site's byline "Where Independent Comics Matter" says it all. Rob really cares and it's a joy to watch his site grow.
As for the future of JOSEPH! you are already aware that we are currently seeking a publisher for "The Family Album". Future titles include "The Never Ending Sequel" and "Meet the Neighbors". But this begs the question, "Will JOSEPH! ever be a REAL animated cartoon?" My answer to that is a very solid maybe.
There are plans right now to adapt a segment of "The Family Album" as a sort of screen test. If this screen test is successful we can move forward with developing an animated series. Originally I had thought to adapt "The Family Album" as a feature short which could act as a pilot to sell to a producer or possibly a network. But with seeing the kinds of things that are possible that the creators of "Cyanide and Happiness" (for example) are doing we're now talking about making JOSEPH! a web series. Of course "Cyanide and Happiness" is already very successful. They have millions of readers! The leap to a web series is only natural. For us the leap will be monumental so all of this is only in the planning stages. I will say that I trust the animator. He's very talented.
As it is now, and being the series creator, I have to remain focused on story-telling. But that's never been easier. Every day I write it becomes more and more like peeking in on the life of Joseph and simply writing down what I see. And I love it!
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