The Story so Far
Following the events of "The Family Album" it's a new day in Patriot Springs. Ruthie is excited to be starting her first day of big girl school (previously she has been home-schooled) but Jesus is slowing things down. When Joseph arrives to see what his ten year old daughter is screaming about he sees an angel standing guard in front of his fourteen year old adopted son's room. After a brief exchange, in which we discover the angel's name standing guard is in fact Hark (the Herald Angel), Joseph enters Jesus' room and comes face to face with Death.
We now join "JOSEPH! The Never Ending Sequel" already in progress.
We now join "JOSEPH! The Never Ending Sequel" already in progress.
THE BIBLE: An Exclusive Preview!
And now for an exclusive preview of
The Book of
LOT
ONE
1) Abraham was great in years and hard of hearing when his
cousin Lot tried to tell him he was leaving the family business. 2) They were a country people and Lot’s wife was young and
wanted something much more adventurous. 3) In
addition she wanted to give her daughters better choices in men-folk. 4) As shepherds go Abraham was a proper foreman and he provided
well for those who worked under him, 5) but
the man had no sons and even if he did they too would be shepherds. 6) This and it was probably about time their people stopped
marrying their own cousins. 7) Country life
was very limiting.
8) Lot’s wife nagged every day until the man had no choice but
to relent. 9) He said goodbye to the elder cousin,
who thought he said, “I’m seeking the tether” instead of “I’m leaving forever”
and handed Lot a goat-leash. 10) Then he packed
up his family and moved to Sodom, the largest city in the province of Gomorra.
11) Big city life was much more exciting. Sodom’s primary
export was salt, which was collected by large pillars down by the seashore. 12) Lot found work as a salt collector and within a few
years the family began to prosper. 13)
Everyone was happy, until trouble started to brew.
TWO
1) Luci and his band were always where it was at. 2) The night life in Sodom was electrifying and the ladies were
willing. Luci’s band was wearisome in several neighborhoods, but they had the
habit of sleeping all day and so one could manage to get some work done before
nightfall. 3) It was only when a second band of
angels appeared in Sodom that Lot thought there might be a need for concern.
4) I Mythos, the one true author of this extensive account and
writer of these very words, now document within this text that men have always
been insecure. 5) Let no man dispute these words, nor
their validity*. *This verse seems
suspect.
6)
With so many angels
occupying the city there were no women left to tend the needs of men. Women
should not be faulted for this. 7)
Angels are the bad boys of celestial beings and women just can’t help themselves.
8) And, as I Mythos have noted before*, men are dull and quite unattractive. *This too is suspect.
9)
No wonder the men of
Sodom were jealous and just a bit more than curious. 10) After much debating, and a little rock throwing, the
men happened upon a neat idea they were very keen on. 11) What if they gave the angels a chance for a romantic
romp and see what all the fuss was about?
THREE
1) Lot and his family were to be safe and secure in their home
on the night of the overzealous orgy. 2) Traditionally
his three daughters would be home having dinner about this time, but only the
youngest was present. 3) Lot’s wife was about to scuffle out
and plea to the magister to help search for her daughters when there was a
rumbling at the front door.
4) The two older daughters ran in to be greeted by their
worried mother. 5) Lot was about to secure the door
when the two angels his daughters had been out with burst in behind them.
6) The night grew long inside Lot’s home as the unwanted
festivities grew loud outside. 7) Lot was not
about to have his daughters defiled by these ruffians but their mother couldn’t
allow the angels to be thrown outside and devoured. 8) There was much debating but the argument was settled when
the front door rumbled yet again.
9) Having seen the two angels with Lot’s daughters run into the
house a young man gathered a committee of neighbors. 10) They demanded the angels be given up or Lot’s house
would be given to fire and everyone within its walls smoked out or worse.
11) Lot missed his simple country life and regretted
leaving behind Abraham, who warned him about the big city. While Lot bemused a
better life the men outside started a bonfire and sang show tunes.
12) Lot tried talking with his neighbors through the door.
13) He feared what they would do but he
was more afraid of what the angels would do if he gave them up to be raped.
14) Instead of taking the angels for a single night’s
pleasure the men could haggle amongst themselves who were the two best of the group
that may make suitable husbands to his daughters. 15) His daughters didn’t like that idea and the men
outside weren’t interested, claiming they already had his daughters. Yes, even
the youngest.
FOUR
1) The two angels under Lot’s protection spent a good portion
of the night three sheets into the wind, 2) but
they sobered up long enough to realize what was happening. 3) They assured Lot no harm would come to his family, and they
assured Lot’s wife she was still young and attractive.
4) During the War of Disagreement these two were quite the
achievers, having been proficient in munitions. 5) All that was needed in their current situation was a working knowledge
of combustible ingredients. 6) A really big
bomb might do the trick. They looked around and figured that with little effort
a really big bomb could be assembled – 7) if
they only had access to large quantities of salt.
FIVE
1) Lot and his family packed their belongings and vacated the
house in favor of returning to country living. 2) When they departed the angels advised they get as far away as possible
and forget all about the city.
3) “Just turn around and no matter what you do, do not look back.”
4) It wasn’t easy sneaking away. Large bands of amorous men
attacked Lot, thinking he was an angel. 5) But
when they saw he was a man, and was therefore unattractive, they let him go. 6) Some took to assaulting Lot’s daughters but thought better
of it, as they had already shared a night or two with the three girls. 7) Lot’s wife was ignored.
8) Just
before the angel bomb exploded Lot and his family were passing through the salt
district. Mrs. Lot found that she was out of her supply 9) and
turned to a pillar of salt. Patriot Springs Gazette Oct. 9, 2013
Cool stuff going on this week at our site. First is an exclusive new weekly feature: "The Patriot Springs Gazette". You're going to be getting all the craziest news from around the neighborhoods of Patriot Springs, the hometown of Joseph and his family. Tomorrow we're posting a brand new Bad Halo motion comic (be here for that!) and then Friday we're premiering a sneak peak at "THE BIBLE According to the Prophet Mythos", a new book in the works which gives us an alternative account of biblical history leading to the world in which our "JOSEPH!" series is set. Please enjoy!
Patriot Springs Gazette Oct. 9, 2013
American Exceptionalism: Which is more characteristically American -- that a company could invent an ordinary rifle that mimics a machine gun or that America's incomparable legal minds could find a loophole in existing anti-machine-gun laws to permit it to be manufactured and sold? The Go Bang company's weapon can spray bullets "like a fire hose" from a legal, semiautomatic gun by simple application of muscle, yet an official opinion of the U.S. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives acknowledges that the agency is powerless to regulate it because of the wording in 1934 and 1986 legislation that otherwise restricts private ownership of machine guns. One gun shop owner told the Gazettel in September that the Slide Fire rifle is "not as easy" to use as a machine gun, but still, "It's fairly idiot-proof." [Southland Park]
Patriot Springs Gazette Oct. 9, 2013
American Exceptionalism: Which is more characteristically American -- that a company could invent an ordinary rifle that mimics a machine gun or that America's incomparable legal minds could find a loophole in existing anti-machine-gun laws to permit it to be manufactured and sold? The Go Bang company's weapon can spray bullets "like a fire hose" from a legal, semiautomatic gun by simple application of muscle, yet an official opinion of the U.S. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives acknowledges that the agency is powerless to regulate it because of the wording in 1934 and 1986 legislation that otherwise restricts private ownership of machine guns. One gun shop owner told the Gazettel in September that the Slide Fire rifle is "not as easy" to use as a machine gun, but still, "It's fairly idiot-proof." [Southland Park]
(1) A Patriot Springs judge tossed out a man's lawsuit against the police, even though two officers had stood by in February 2011, out of harm's way, while a man attacked Lozito as part of a four-murder crime spree. The judge ruled that it was not clear enough that Lozito was in danger when the officers began to ignore him (while they were inside a subway motorman's booth). (2) A jury upheld an employment agency worker's claim that she (an African-American) was racially harassed by her boss. The supervisor, Rob Carmona, had insisted that he could not be liable for race-based harassment because, he, too, is African-American and thus entitled to use the "n-word." [Crescent Hill]
Busy Being Superheroes: In separate incidents on successive September days, people dressed as Batman and Captain America rescued a cat from a burning house in Bashford Manor, and Superman came to the aid of Wonder Woman in Butchertown. The pair were performing at a function when they noticed nearby smoke, and Superman and Wonder Woman were posing when a passerby got belligerent. Another Superman tackled a shoplifter on the streets in the Highlands, where he was appearing at a fundraiser. However, less elegantly, two Captain Americas and a Spider-Man brawled briefly in May over access to a contested, lucrative street corner.[Bashford Manor, Butchertown, Highlands]
Our Freedom to Doze Off, Now in Danger: The training technology company Quickflash recently revealed a feature for iPads that prevents student inattentiveness during an online course. Facial recognition software notices a user looking away (or, worse, falling asleep) and thus pauses the course at that point until the eager learner re-engages the screen. (Quickflash assured reporters that the program has more serious uses, such as treatment of autism and Alzheimer's disease.) [Bonnycastle]
For people who believe that "rave" parties' music is too faint, a Spetember event at the Patriot Springs' International Music Festival offered a solution: The YaYaFest program featured an ear-crushing sound level especially staged for deaf people's dancing -- since they can "hear" only by the vibrations saturating their bodies; the non-deaf should bring earplugs. Among the performers: deaf DJ Treki Lou, who claims he easily feels distinctions in his mix of hip hop, R&B, reggae, dance and electro swing. [Gardiner Lane]
In an epic failure the 20-story condominium building LaBigo in downtown, the tallest residential edifice in the city, was hastily upsized to a planned 47 stories. But a series of architectural mistakes and developer bankruptcies has left it limping, still 65 percent unsold. Most notably, LaBigo discovered in 2012 that the then current design made it impossible to build an elevator shaft to go past the 23rd floor because of space limitation. The architects resigned, and un-confident developers were forced to turn to financing from one of the shakier banks in Patriot Springs: First National Union. [Downtown]
In the concluding race in September of the Rally of Mt.Washington it was important for drivers to complete the laps even if they had no chance of winning, but near the end, driver Sebastian Williams experienced a throttle malfunction and began coasting, still about a half-mile from the finish line. However, in a move reminiscent of actor Slim Pickens jumping on the atomic bomb in "Dr. Strangelove," Williams' quick-thinking partner George Stevens jumped onto the open engine and accelerated the car by hand while Williams steered the final distance. [Mt. Washington]
One of the world's best-known strategists on the game of checkers passed away in November (2008). Harrison Thomas was city champion six times and in the 1970s and 1980s published a seven-volume handbook on rules and tactics. Many people now considering the game would be astonished to know that, as in chess, there are masters and grandmasters, international rankings, that experts actually study historical opening moves and endgames, and that some play, move-by-move, via the U.S. Mail. A Patriot Springs Gazette obituary noted that Thomas played as many as 100 games simultaneously, and won games blindfolded. Until the end, according to his son, Thomas spent "hours each day" playing checkers online. [Germantown]
Sacred Life
Well it's the end of Summer now. Time for all kids to be back in school. Even if they are just a little love-sick.
This has been an eventful Summer for us. The experimental "Ani-Motion" series has led us to the decision of making "JOSEPH!" a permanent motion comic. But you will still be able to read all-new traditional "JOSEPH!" comics at IndieComiX.
This ends our Summer series. But what happened to "The Never Ending Sequel"? It was put on hold to give Gary time to campaign for Mazscara and gave me the chance to start learning how to create an animation series. As a result it led to the "Ani-Motion" series and that gave us "Bad Halo" a new series of motion comics, featuring "JOSEPH!" and new original shorts. But here it comes, no more delays, next week we are premiering the new series, "The Never Ending Sequel". Be here!
Introducing Bad Halo
This isn't exactly official, but I figure if I'm really going to get into producing our own animation we should have a name: Bad Halo.
This is just another screen test. Getting better.
The Journey pt 3 Screen Test
Honestly, I had considered NOT uploading this video. The quality of the animation is going to come off very student. Actually, with today's standards in animation education it will most likely come off worse than that. But it's necessary to share each step of this journey and so here is my first attempt at animating.
There are some simple basics I wanted to focus on but my primary concern was lip-syncing. The finished product here looks more South Park-like than anything else. Do keep in mind I created this with nothing more than my own imagination and Movie Maker. Future screen tests will feature Gary's art.
Ever have that moment just before you click that "publish" button when you think, "maybe I should apologize before people see this."?
The Journey pt 2 Pre-Production
What the heck is a Pitch Bible? I knew what a Series Bible was before I started (some of you probably do as well) but not a Pitch Bible. For those of you who do not know, a Series Bible is what is drafted for a television series usually before the show is sold, and is often one of its selling factors. Think of it as a kind of long-term outline. Some are very detailed, while others not so much. But they are often the guiding force of a series as the show continues to move forward. A good example of a bible is for the show "The Wire". But how a show like "LOST" even made it to series without a bible is beyond me. The producers of that show were very vocal in the fact they did not work with a bible.
Okay, so I had to learn what a Pitch Bible was. Seems Pitch Bibles are used quite a bit for animation shows. Good Pitch Bibles are chock full of illustrations with the intent of selling the idea of what your show will look like, which should be completed art and not works in progress or storyboards. We'll get to storyboards later. The most important feature may be the art but they should also feature your show's concept, character descriptions, a pilot synopsis, descriptions of future episodes, and your primary contact info. This seems like a lot but when you compare it to a full Series Bible it doesn't compare.
Currently I have a finished Pitch Bible but I'm not ready to post it just yet. I'm happy with it, yes. But as we continue our journey it may become necessary to ad something to it I do not yet foresee.
Where we are now is pre-production on a pitch video. This video is going to be animated, including an introduction by cartoon versions of myself and Gary. The pilot will follow.
I'm animating this video on my own. I'll be honest. I'm both eager and apprehensive about it. I'm certain I can do a good job. At least as far as my limitations will allow. At worse it may come off as only an animatic. I'm okay with that, as it is part of the pitch process. However, I am hopeful it will turn out much better. But I won't kid myself. I am not an educated animator. I'm learning as I go.
I did say animating on my own but that doesn't mean I'm working alone. Not at all. Currently Gary has a big workload on his shoulders before I can get to the actual animating. He has to design characters, create character charts, make the backgrounds and sets, then the vehicles and props. And there may be additional work we're not anticipating yet.
Then there are voices. Oh the voices! I'm not sure where they rank for you but to me they may be the most important feature of any animated show and of this production. Gary and I have decided to do the voices ourselves. Gary will provide characterizations for his own voice (naturally) and Lil' D., and I plan to do the rest. However, there is one voice I am unsure of and that's Ruthie. If I can get a good female voice I can trust then great. If not I will do it myself and ad some effects. As you read this you may question if I can do all the above AND the voices. I can only say that when I was younger I wanted to get into voice acting, so I'm hopeful.
Wow. This really is going to be a lot of fun!
Okay, so I had to learn what a Pitch Bible was. Seems Pitch Bibles are used quite a bit for animation shows. Good Pitch Bibles are chock full of illustrations with the intent of selling the idea of what your show will look like, which should be completed art and not works in progress or storyboards. We'll get to storyboards later. The most important feature may be the art but they should also feature your show's concept, character descriptions, a pilot synopsis, descriptions of future episodes, and your primary contact info. This seems like a lot but when you compare it to a full Series Bible it doesn't compare.
Currently I have a finished Pitch Bible but I'm not ready to post it just yet. I'm happy with it, yes. But as we continue our journey it may become necessary to ad something to it I do not yet foresee.
Where we are now is pre-production on a pitch video. This video is going to be animated, including an introduction by cartoon versions of myself and Gary. The pilot will follow.
I'm animating this video on my own. I'll be honest. I'm both eager and apprehensive about it. I'm certain I can do a good job. At least as far as my limitations will allow. At worse it may come off as only an animatic. I'm okay with that, as it is part of the pitch process. However, I am hopeful it will turn out much better. But I won't kid myself. I am not an educated animator. I'm learning as I go.
I did say animating on my own but that doesn't mean I'm working alone. Not at all. Currently Gary has a big workload on his shoulders before I can get to the actual animating. He has to design characters, create character charts, make the backgrounds and sets, then the vehicles and props. And there may be additional work we're not anticipating yet.
Then there are voices. Oh the voices! I'm not sure where they rank for you but to me they may be the most important feature of any animated show and of this production. Gary and I have decided to do the voices ourselves. Gary will provide characterizations for his own voice (naturally) and Lil' D., and I plan to do the rest. However, there is one voice I am unsure of and that's Ruthie. If I can get a good female voice I can trust then great. If not I will do it myself and ad some effects. As you read this you may question if I can do all the above AND the voices. I can only say that when I was younger I wanted to get into voice acting, so I'm hopeful.
Wow. This really is going to be a lot of fun!
The Journey pt 1 The Script
Some of you may not know this but I've had this dream of adapting "JOSEPH!" into a fully realized animated TV show. Insert obligatory "duh". For awhile I researched ways I might be able to do this on my own and I've come to the conclusion that this is just not possible.
Yes. There are many out there who do indeed produce their own animated shorts. Some of them are series. All of them created by one person. Most of them are pretty damn good. Some of them not so much.
Point is I want "JOSEPH!" to be produced with a certain level of quality that I will not be able to do on my own, which brings me to this invitation I am extending to you.
You are cordially (rather, informally) invited to join me on this journey. Our destination? Selling "JOSEPH!" to a producer. Maybe we'll get very lucky and sell our series to a network. It could happen!
To reach our destination is going to require a LOT of work. But it's all fun along the way so I promise you won't get bored. Getting our series all pretty and presentable to a potential producer will take a long time, and heck! Even when we are ready it's going to take even more work to find the right producer to present to. Then we have to actually make the pitch!
So, yes. A lot of work.
Our journey starts with the script. Many of you will probably find this part rather boring. Scripting is not my favorite form of writing but it is necessary. Reading a script is not like reading anything else. On top of that if you've been with us for any length of time you already know this story, as it is adapted from our original 24 strips and most recently "Summer Movie" from our new Ani-motion Series. There are a few new things you may not have seen, but every journey begins with a step and this is our first step. Those of you who have never read a script before, well here ya go!
Yes. There are many out there who do indeed produce their own animated shorts. Some of them are series. All of them created by one person. Most of them are pretty damn good. Some of them not so much.
Point is I want "JOSEPH!" to be produced with a certain level of quality that I will not be able to do on my own, which brings me to this invitation I am extending to you.
You are cordially (rather, informally) invited to join me on this journey. Our destination? Selling "JOSEPH!" to a producer. Maybe we'll get very lucky and sell our series to a network. It could happen!
To reach our destination is going to require a LOT of work. But it's all fun along the way so I promise you won't get bored. Getting our series all pretty and presentable to a potential producer will take a long time, and heck! Even when we are ready it's going to take even more work to find the right producer to present to. Then we have to actually make the pitch!
So, yes. A lot of work.
Our journey starts with the script. Many of you will probably find this part rather boring. Scripting is not my favorite form of writing but it is necessary. Reading a script is not like reading anything else. On top of that if you've been with us for any length of time you already know this story, as it is adapted from our original 24 strips and most recently "Summer Movie" from our new Ani-motion Series. There are a few new things you may not have seen, but every journey begins with a step and this is our first step. Those of you who have never read a script before, well here ya go!
JOSEPH!
(Pilot)
Created and Written
by David Paul
FADE IN.
EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - DAY
TITLE CARD: Meanwhile
in Patriot Springs, America…
JOSEPH
CARPENTER is in the background, loading his WHITE WORK VAN. A logo on the side
of the van reads: JC CONSTRUCTION, INDEPENDENT CONTRACTOR.
His adopted
14 year old son JESUS CARPENTER is in the foreground. He has his CELL PHONE
WITH EAR BUDS, listening to his music. The song is SUGAR BUTT. We know this
because Jesus is signing along.
JESUS
(singing)
Sugar girl. Sugar, sugar, booty girl.
Joseph walks
up and watches Jesus with an annoyed look on his face.
JESUS (CONT’D)
What, what. Gimme dat sugar butt.
What, what. Gimme dat sugar butt.
Joseph
crosses his arms across his chest.
JESUS (CONT’D)
Wha’choo lookin’ at, yo?
JOSEPH
(removing one of the ear buds)
Just go load the van.
JESUS
Dang, pops. Why you always trippin’
on my swag?
TITLE
SEQUENCE.
EXT.
CONSTRUCTION SITE - CONTINUOUS
Jesus stands
next to a PILE OF TOOLS AND SUPPLIES needing to be loaded into the van.
JESUS
Yeah, pops. I’ll load the van.
Jesus raises
his hand with a “holy” gesture, which starts to glow. His halo also begins to
glow along with his heart at the center of his chest. This is surely a sign
that he is about to perform a miracle, which he may rely on too often. The pile
of tools and supplies is also glowing, indicating the target of his miracle.
Joseph is
suddenly standing next to Jesus, arms crossed again.
JOSEPH
Jesus.
JESUS
Uh, yeah?
JOSEPH
No miracles.
The glowing
potential miracle is cancelled. Jesus is disappointed and starts to load the
van.
JOSEPH (CONT’D)
Jesus, my phone is dead. I need to
use yours.
JESUS
(handing his phone over to Joseph)
Long as you not sexting.
JOSEPH (CONT’D)
(looking at the phone)
Well now. This is funny.
JESUS
Wha’choo talkin’ bout, yo?
JOSEPH
Why do all the girls you talk to have
the same name as your mother?
Jesus is
mortified and grossed out.
INT. JOSEPH’S HOUSE. HALLWAY OUTSIDE JESUS’ ROOM. JESUS’ ROOM - DAY
Joseph’s
youngest child, the apple of his eye, ten year old little RUTHIE, is standing in
the HALLWAY OUTSIDE JESUS’ ROOM and knocks on the DOOR TO JESUS’ ROOM.
RUTHIE
(knocking on door)
Can I come in?
JESUS
(off screen)
Go away, Ruthie!
Ruthie walks
into JESUS’ ROOM anyway, where she sees Jesus lying face down on his bed.
RUTHIE
Are you sick?
JESUS
(talking into his pillow)
What do you think?
RUTHIE
What kind of sick?
JESUS
Every girl I like has mom’s name!
Joseph
enters the room with Jesus’ best friend LIL’ D.
JOSEPH
Jesus, you have a guest.
JESUS
Oh, sure. Come in and enjoy my
humiliation.
RUTHIE
Jesus is sick, daddy.
JOSEPH
Your brother isn’t, Ruthie.
RUTHIE
Yuh-huh. He’s got brain fever.
Lil’ D. has
noticed the new game ZOMBIE ATTACK 4 by the T.V. IN JESUS’ ROOM. He picks it
up.
LIL’ D.
Check it, yo. Zombie Attack 4 shreds.
JESUS
(sitting up with excitement)
I made it to level 18 with the acid
gun!
JOSEPH
You’re right, sweetie. Your brother
is sick.
INT. JOSEPH’S HOUSE. JESUS’ ROOM - DAY
Lil’ D and
Jesus are sitting on a COUCH, playing the video game.
LIL’ D.
So that hot girl at school—
JESUS
Adriana?
LIL’ D.
She wants to sue the school board for
trashing her
civil rights. They won’t let her wear
a nose ring.
JESUS
Oh yeah. I heard she said the mind,
body and soul are all one entity
and modifying the body can bring the
mind and soul into harmony.
CUT TO:
INT. JOSEPH’S HOUSE. HALLWAY OUTSIDE JESUS’ ROOM. CONTINUOUS - DAY
Joseph is
standing at the door and is overhearing the conversation.
LIL’ D.
(off screen)
She ain’t even know how to really
challenge the school board.
JESUS
(off screen)
She wanna really tick ‘em off she
should show ‘em her tattoos.
Joseph sighs
with a palm to his head.
JOSEPH
Some things you wish you could
un-hear.
INT. JOSEPH’S HOUSE. JESUS’ ROOM - DAY
The boys are
laboring with some intensity as they play the game.
SOUND FX
This
continues for a few moments with the boy’s faces growing ever more excited
through various emotions, SOUND FX as the only cue for the audience.
LIL’ D.
This game is shredding my head, yo.
Both boys
stop playing the game and stretch, crack their necks and knuckles, and yawn a
little.
JESUS
Let’s get out here, Lil’ D. Go to a
movie.
The boys
check out their phones, looking for movie listings.
LIL’ D.
Let’s check out what playin’.
JESUS
That Ahnuld guy has a new movie.
LIL’ D.
Nah. He old.
Both boys
raise up with excitement, their faces with huge smiles.
LIL’ D.
No way!!
JESUS
Zombie Attack!
BOTH
The movie!!
INT. JOSEPH’S HOUSE. KITCHEN - DAY
Joseph
enters KITCHEN. He talks to his wife Mary, who NEVER APPEARS ON SCREEN and
ALWAYS MUMBLES.
JOSEPH
Mary?
MARY
(off screen)
Mumble, mumble, mumble.
JOSEPH
Jesus and his little friend want to
go to a movie.
You and Ruthie want to come along?
MARY
Mumble, mumble, mumble.
JOSEPH
Well I thought that—
MARY
Mumble, mumble, mumble!
JOSEPH
It’s just that—
MARY
Mumble, mumble, mumble!
JOSEPH
Alright. I’ll take Ruthie so you can
stay home and get some rest.
MARY
Mumble.
JOSEPH
Seesh! It’s like we never see each
other anymore.
INT. JOSEPH’S HOUSE. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE DEN - DAY
Joseph
enters the HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE DEN. He notices that Ruthie is facing the den
with her back to us, peeking around the corner, making sure not to be seen.
SOUND FX: The TV in the den can be heard in BG.
JOSEPH
Ruthie?
Ruthie turns
around and she is now in her HALF-INVISMAN COSTUME, her favorite super hero who
is only half invisible.
NARRATOR
(voice over)
His body bombarded with a massive
overload of cosmic
inviso-rays, Half- Invisman now uses
his powers for good,
spying on those who seek to do evil!
JOSEPH
Sweetie, you want to go to the
movies?
RUTHIE
You cannot see me, citizen. For I am Half-Invisman!
JOSEPH
I see.
RUTHIE
You do not see.
JOSEPH
(beat)
Why can’t you like ponies like other
little girls?
EXT. JOSEPH’S HOUSE. DRIVE WAY. JOSEPH’S CAR - DAY
Joseph and the kids all sit in JOSEPH’S CAR,
preparing to back out of the DRIVEWAY.
JOSEPH
So, “little” D., are you sure your
dad is okay with you going to the movies with us?
JESUS
That was rude, pops.
JOSEPH
What was rude?
JESUS
You called Lil’ D. little. That was
rude, yo.
JOSEPH
Well if I knew his real name—
JESUS
Lil’ D is his real name. He owns it.
Like I owns mine.
JOSEPH
I am not calling you “Master J.”
Joseph pulls
out of the drive way and drives along the NEIGHBORHOOD STREET.
CUT TO:
INT.
JOSEPH’S CAR. CONTINUOUS - DAY
JESUS
Dang. Now you just being mean. Why
cain’t you be smoove?
JOSEPH
First of all, Jesus the word is
“can’t”. As in “cannot”. I am guessing
you meant to ask why I cannot be
“smooth”.
JESUS
Dig.
JOSEPH
And what is that? Dig?
JESUS
As in “I dig you”. Feel dat?
As this line
of dialogue continues Ruthie and Lil’ D. in the backseat of the car are
watching with curiosity. There are a few BLINKING SOUND FX cued to eye
movements.
JOSEPH
Feel dat?
JESUS
Yeah.
JOSEPH
Dat?
JESUS
Exactly.
JOSEPH
(beat)
What?
JESUS
You cain’t groove on dis vibe?
JOSEPH
Jesus, you sound like one of those
cheap rappers you and
your little friend are always
imitating.
JESUS
Imitating? We be real, yo.
JOSEPH
“We be real”?
JESUS
You ain’t even know.
JOSEPH
I have no idea what you’re saying.
JESUS
Got da real feel right there. And let
me smack you up wit dis
vibe, pops. You sound like one of dem
racists on Fox News.
JOSEPH
Racist?
JESUS
You heard.
JOSEPH
Jesus, let me tell you something. You
kids don’t know what racism is. You and your friends go out and march on the
nation’s capitol under threat of death to enact real change in this country and
then come back and talk to me about racism.
There’s an
uncomfortable silence in the car for a beat.
RUTHIE
What’s racism, daddy?
JOSEPH
That’s a good question, sweetie.
Ask your brother.
Jesus has a
surprised look on his face, eyes wide.
EXT.
CONVENIENT STORE GAS STATION – DAY
Joseph’s car
pulls up to one of the GAS PUMPS but is cut off by a NEW SPORTS CAR. The car is
driven by a RUDE CUSTOMER talking into his cell and whom we will see shortly.
SOUND FX:
BREAKS, HONKING.
CUT TO:
INT.
JOSEPH’S CAR. CONTINUOUS – DAY
JOSEPH
Hey watch it, buddy!
RUTHIE
Yeah watch it, buddy! Get out and
punch him, daddy!
JOSEPH
As much as I’d like to, sweetie
that’s not the right thing to do.
Looks like he’s just not paying
attention, talking on his cell.
JESUS
Please tell me we not stopping here
for snacks again.
JOSEPH
This place is cheaper than the
movies.
If you want snacks you better get
them here.
(beat) Where’d your little friend go?
CUT TO:
INT. CONVENIENT
STORE GAS STATION. CONTINUOUS – DAY
Lil’ D. is
rummaging calmly through the CANDY AISLE. He grabs a FUZZY PINK MEGA CHOCOLATE
BAR (a really big chocolate bar). He unwraps it calmly and begins to eat.
Behind Lil’
D. Ruthie jumps into the aisle and calls out with excitement.
RUTHIE
Candy!
As Lil’ D.
eats his really big chocolate bar Ruthie runs through the aisle grabbing
handfuls of candy and laughing.
CUT TO:
INT.
CONVENIENT STORE GAS STATION. CHECK OUT LINE. CONTINUOUS – DAY
At the CHECK
OUT LINE Joseph and Jesus are standing in line (holding their snacks to
purchase) behind a RUDE CUSTOMER on his cell. This is the same guy who cut them
off at the gas pumps. He yacks loudly into his cell with no regard for those
around him. There is VARIOUS MERCHANDISE on the COUNTER in front of him.
RUDE CUSTOMER
Blah blah blah.
The CLERK
behind the counter rings up the Rude Customer.
CLERK
That’s $13.45, sir.
RUDE CUSTOMER
Blahdy blah.
CLERK
Thirteen dollars.
RUDE CUSTOMER
Blargh.
CLERK
And forty-five cents.
RUDE CUTOMER
Blahblahblah.
CLERK
Sir.
Joseph is
becoming annoyed.
JOSEPH
Excuse me—
RUDE CUSTOMER
Blah blah blah blard blardy.
JOSEPH
I’d just like to sit my stuff on the
counter if you—
RUDE CUSTOMER
Blargin blarsh.
The clerk
starts to BAG up the Rude Customer’s merchandise as the Rude Customer continues
to blab loudly into his cell.
Lil’ D. is
joining Joseph and Jesus in line. Chocolate is smeared across his face.
JOSEPH
(to Jesus)
Go get your sister.
Jesus starts
to dial his cell.
JESUS
I’ll use my cell to call the little
goonie.
Joseph grabs
the cell out of Jesus’ hand.
JOSEPH
Use your feet.
CUT TO:
EXT.
CONVENIENT STORE GAS STATION. PARKING LOT. CONTINUOUS – DAY
As Joseph
and the kids walk out of the convenient store carrying large BAGS OF CANDY. The Rude Customer is standing nearby, still
blabbing into his cell.
RUDE CUSTOMER
Blah blah so flarging blah.
Suddenly a
FAST CAR zooms by quickly. Joseph holds the kids back. A gust of speed-wind
blows all the bags of snacks off screen.
We don’t see
the fast car actually hit the Rude Customer but we do see him launched into the
air.
SOUND FX
RUDE CUSTOMER
Blah!!
The dust
settles. Joseph makes sure the kids are okay.
JOSEPH
Everyone okay?
JESUS
We aight.
LIL’ D.
Shooba.
JOSEPH
Ruthie?
RUTHIE
I’m okay, daddy. But where’s all the
candy?
CUT TO:
EXT.
CONVENIENT STORE GAS STATION. BIG PUDDLE OF MUD. CONTINUOUS – DAY
Joseph and
the kids all see that their snacks have been carried away to a BIG PUDDLE OF
MUD.
CUT TO:
EXT.
CONVENIENT STORE GAS STATION. PARKING LOT. CONTINUOUS – DAY
Ruthie looks
up at Joseph with a disappointed look on her face.
RUTHIE
Daddy! The candy!
JOSEPH
(sighing)
Yeah sweetie, we’ll… we’ll just get
something at the movies.
Jesus looks
down at the Rude Customer, crumpled on the ground, injured. He is gripping his
cell, which is crumpled in his hand.
JESUS
Don’t worry, yo…
Jesus holds
up a glowing hand to start to perform a miracle.
JESUS (CONT’D)
…I can heal you.
Joseph
interrupts the miracle.
JOSEPH
Eh no, Jesus. Not this time. (beat)
Some things are just meant to be.
CUT TO:
EXT.
CONVENIENT STORE GAS STATION. PARKING LOT. CONTINUOUS – DAY
We watch as
Joseph’s car pulls off. In the foreground the Rude Customer is trying to speak.
RUDE CUSTOMER
…blah…?
EXT. SUPER MALL - DAY
Brief
establishing shot. Many, many cars!
INT. MOVIE
THEATER. BOX OFFICE LINE. CONTINUOUS - DAY
Joseph and the kids are standing in line.
There are numerous MOVIE POSTERS behind them (these posters will appear
throughout the building in various locations): BUG BEING, SPACE JUNK HORROR,
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE HATE LOVE, ANT HILL ZOMBIES, FULL MOON BEAST, MY PET BAT IS
A VAMPIRE and of course ZOMBIE ATTACK: THE MOVIE!
JOSEPH
What’s this movie about anyway?
JESUS
Zombies invade Earth from the 24th
dimension.
JOSEPH
Hmm… not sure Ruthie should be seeing
flesh-eating zombies.
JESUS
Oh, it’s not just your flesh they
wanna eat.
LIL’ D.
They have to eat your soul to get
back to the 24th dimension.
JOSEPH
Oh, that’s much better.
RUTHIE
Don’t worry, daddy. I’m here to
protect you.
JOSEPH
Sweetie, this isn’t one of your super
hero movies. It’s more of a big kid’s movie.
RUTHIE
I’m a big kid.
JOSEPH
I know. But why don’t you and I go
see something more
appropriate for you? Something for a
princess.
RUTHIE
I want. To see. The zombies.
JOSEPH
Yeah. And what happens when you have
nightmares about this movie later tonight?
RUTHIE
(excited)
Are you telling me I can dream about
a movie on-demand? (beat) That’s so cool!
CUT TO:
INT. MOVIE
THEATER. CONCESSION. CONTINUOUS – DAY
Joseph is
not happy as he looks through his WALLET while the kids look at all the candy
and the popcorn.
JOSEPH
Alright get yourselves a snack for
the movie, kids.
JESUS
Thanks, yo.
LIL’ D.
Cain’t see no movie without no
popcorn.
JOSEPH
(to Ruthie)
You want some popcorn, sweetie?
RUTHIE
I want the Pretty Princess popcorn.
JOSEPH
Well, let’s see—
Joseph looks
up at the CONCESSION PRICE SIGN, which reads: PRETTY PRINCESS POPCORN: SMALL -
$10.95, MEDIUM – ARM, LARGE – LEG.
CUT TO:
INT. MOVIE
THEATER. THEATER 1. CONTINUOUS – DAY
Joseph and
the kids are taking seats at the back of the theater. Ruthie is hugging her TUB
OF PRETTY PRINCESS POPCORN.
JESUS
These seats da best, yo. We gonna see
ere’ thang.
JOSEPH
We’re going to see what?
JESUS
Ere’ thang. You heard.
JOSEPH
I don’t care, Jesus. I just want to
have a relaxing evening
with my kids and my son’s best friend
– the son of the devil.
Ruthie sits
down with her popcorn, which she shares with Lil’ D.
RUTHIE
Here come the previews!
JESUS
Dis my favorite part.
LIL’ D.
This better be a good one.
NARRATOR 2
(Movie Announcer)
This Summer one man will face the
fight of his life to
resuscitate his career… Ahnuld
Hossenfeffer in… DNR!
RUTHIE
Who?
JESUS
Who dat, pops?
JOSEPH
Only the greatest action hero ever.
Another
preview starts.
NARRATOR 2
Once upon a time in a galaxy owned by
a cartoon mouse, that mouse’s girlfriend was discovered having an affair with
his best friend… Man’s Best Friend!
LIL’ D.
Pass.
JOSEPH
Not your cup of tea, huh?
LIL’ D.
I only drink once a year. And never
tea.
JOSEPH
Once a year? Is that like, for a
ceremony or something?
LIL’ D.
More like an obligation to my father.
JOSEPH
It’s not… ya’ know. Nasty stuff? You
don’t drink the
blood of virgins or anything?
LIL’ D.
I do not drink the blood of virgins.
JOSEPH
Well, good. Because that would just
be… nasty.
LIL’ D.
When’s the last time you saw Paris
Hilton?
Joseph’s
eyes get big.
JESUS
Dang. How long these previews?
RUTHIE
I hope this next one’s about my favorite
super hero.
JOSEPH
Sweetie, I don’t think they’re going
to make a movie
about a guy who’s only half
invisible.
NARRATOR 2
This holiday season you will only
need half a man to save
the world. Bruce Campell is…
Half-Invisman!
RUTHIE
Yes!
JESUS
(to Joseph)
How does it feel to always be wrong?
NARRATOR 2
Coming this fall to CV-TV from the
producers of Smalltown
and That Show You Oughtta Know About…
JOSEPH
Oh come on. Previews for a TV show at
the movies?
JESUS
When was the last time you were actually
at the movies, pops?
NARRATOR 2
Drat-Man and Brat-Boy!
JOSEPH
Who man and what now?
NARRATOR 2
Featuring a soundtrack by today’s
hottest artist, Big G.
and his smash sensation, Gimme Dat
Sugar Butt!
MUSIC: SUGAR
BUTT.
The kids are
dancing in their seats to the song.
JESUS
Dat’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout.
LIL’ D.
Right on, right on.
JOSEPH
(getting out of his seat)
I’m going to the men’s room.
INT. MOVIE
THEATER. LINE TO THE RESTROOMS BEFORE MOVIE – DAY
Joseph is
standing in the LINE TO THE RESTROOMS BEFORE MOVIE. We know it is the line to the restrooms
before the movie because there is a big sign above which reads: RESTROOMS BEFORE
MOVIE LINE. DO NOT WAIT ‘TIL THE MOVIE
IS OVER. –MGMT. It is a short line, with just a few other men waiting.
Joseph takes
a look around as he is waiting. He turns and sees another VERY LONG LINE OF
PEOPLE, above which there is a sign which reads: RESTROOMS AFTER MOVIE
LINE. ADMISSION $2.00 WE TRIED TO WARN YA! –MGMT.
Joseph turns
his attention back to his own line.
JOSEPH
They are really getting serious.
INT. MOVIE
THEATER. LOBBY OUTSIDE THEATER 2 – DAY
Joseph
approaches THEATER 2 where he meets a YOUNG USHER.
JOSEPH
Excuse me, I have to get in.
YOUNG USHER
Ticket please, sir.
JOSEPH
(searching through his pockets)
Let’s see… I know I have it
somewhere. What did I do with that stub?
YOUNG USHER
Can’t get in without a ticket, sir.
JOSEPH
I know, kid.
YOUNG USHER
No need for hostility, sir.
CUT TO:
INT. MOVIE
THEATER. THEATER 1. CONTINUOUS – DAY
Jesus’ cell
is ringing. The tone is Sugar Butt.
SOUND FX
JESUS
(looking down at cell)
Pops is callin’.
RUTHIE
You’re ‘sposed to turn your phone
off, Jesus.
JESUS
(putting cell away)
I’ll call him back after the movie.
CUT TO:
INT. MOVIE
THEATER. BOX OFFICE LINE. CONTINUOUS – DAY
MONTAGE:
Joseph stands in line for a very long time.
SOUND FX:
MUSIC MIXED WITH THE TICKING OF A CLOCK.
Joseph
fights sleep while waiting. Camera PANS along the many people standing in line.
At the very back of the line FATHER TIME is playing chess with DEATH.
CUT TO:
INT. MOVIE
THEATER. BOX OFFICE BOOTH. CONTINUOUS – DAY
Joseph finally
approaches the TICKET CLERK in the BOX OFFICE BOOTH.
JOSEPH
I need a ticket to that zombie movie.
TICKET CLERK
Is that for the later showing, sir?
JOSEPH
No. I need to get into the movie
playing now. My kids are in there.
TICKET CLERK
If you already bought a ticket you
can get in with your stub.
JOSEPH
I already tried that but that little
usher wouldn’t let me in.
TICKET CLERK
Oh he isn’t little anymore, sir. He’s
like 40!
The same
Young Usher from before is now beside Joseph. Only now he is an OLD USHER.
OLD USHER
(holding out hand)
Ticket, sir.
JOSEPH
(exasperated)
How long have I been here?
OLD USHER
(as if he is not able to hear)
What’s that?
JOSEPH
Nothing’s worth this much trouble.
TICKET CLERK
Sir?
JOSEPH (CONT’D)
Just give me a ticket.
INT. MOVIE
THEATER. THEATER 1 – DAY
The movie
Zombie Attack is playing as the kids watch. Jesus and Lil’ D. enjoy the carnage
we do not see. Ruthie looks a little worried.
VOICES ON SCREEN
No. Don’t. Please. Gargh. No
SOUND FX:
SPLAT!
Ruthie
covers her eyes.
JESUS
This is so swag.
LIL’ D.
Best movie ever.
MUSIC RISES
AND CRESCENDOES WITH SPLATTERING SOUND FX AND SCREAMING.
RUTHIE
I want my daddy!
CUT TO:
INT. MOVIE
THEATER. LOBBY OUTSIDE THEATER 2. COTINUOUS – DAY
Joseph looks
worn out as he approaches the Young Usher.
YOUNG USHER
Ticket, sir.
JOSEPH
(handing over his ticket)
I know.
YOUNG USHER
(taking the ticket and tearing it)
This is a great movie. You’ll really
enjoy it.
JOSEPH
I know.
YOUNG USHER
Too bad it started an hour ago.
JOSEPH
(walking into theater 2)
I know.
CUT TO:
INT. MOVIE THEATER.
THEATER 2. CONTINUOUS – DAY
Inside the
theater Joseph has just walked into we see on screen this is obviously the
wrong movie, as a space battle plays out. We see the audience and Joseph
silhouetted as he searches for the kids.
SOUND FX:
LOUD SPACE BATTLE.
JOSEPH
Ruthie? Jesus?
MOVIE GOER 1
Down in front!
JOSEPH
Sorry.
MOVIE GOER 2
Hey, c’mon. We’re trying to watch the
movie!
JOSEPH
Sorry. I’m trying to find my kids.
MOVIE GOER 3
Who cares!
MOVIE GOER 4
Yeah!
JOSEPH
Who cares? That’s a heck of a thing
to say to a guy looking for his kids.
MOVIE GOER 5
Sit down and suffer!
The
silhouette of the Young usher approaches Joseph’s silhouette.
YOUNG USHER
Sir, I’m gonna have to ask you to
leave.
JOSEPH
Oh for crying out loud!
CUT TO:
INT. MOVIE
THEATER. LOBBY OUTSIDE THEATER 2. CONTINUOUS – DAY
Joseph and
the Young Usher are now having it out.
YOUNG USHER
I’m sorry sir, but you’ll have to
leave the building.
JOSEPH
I’m not going anywhere without my
kids.
YOUNG USHER
Is that a threat, sir?
JOSEPH
What? No, it’s not a threat. I just
have to find my kids.
YOUNG USHER
(dialing his cell)
I’m gonna have to call the police for
terroristic threatening, sir.
JOSEPH
What??
CUT TO:
EXT. SUPER
MALL. PARKING LOT – EVENING
As the sun
starts to set on another day in Patriot Springs Joseph carries a very tired
Ruthie back to the car, while Lil’ D. and Jesus walk along, none too happy
about being kicked out of the movie.
JESUS
Cain’t believe we got kicked out of
the movie ‘cause you got lost, pops.
LIL’ D.
Totally not right.
They reach
the car and Joseph props Ruthie up as he gets the keys out of his pocket and
turns to address Jesus.
JOSEPH
You’re lucky I didn’t end up in jail.
And why didn’t you answer your phone?
JESUS
Helloo? Watching a movie!
CUT TO:
INT.
JOSEPH’S CAR. CONTINUOUS – EVENING
Inside the
car Joseph is starting to drive out of the parking lot.
JESUS
You just wait ‘til mom hears about
this. You gonna be in so much trouble.
JOSEPH
You’re telling on me?
EXT. JOSEPH’S
HOUSE. ESTABLISHING SHOT. EVENING
CUT TO:
INT.
JOSEPH’S HOUSE. DEN. CONTINUOUS – EVENING
Jesus and
Joseph enter with Joseph carrying a sleepy Ruthie.
JOSEPH
Mary? We’re home.
MARY
(always off screen)
Mumble, mumble.
JESUS
Oh yeah, mom. It was a real short
movie. (beat) But we did have a good time.
MARY
Mumble, mumble, mumble.
Joseph hands
Jesus a wad of cash.
JOSEPH
(handing over the money)
I’m pretty sure bribing your father
is a sin.
JESUS
(taking the money)
So is lying to your mother.
INT.
JOSEPH’S HOUSE. RUTHIE’S ROOM – BEDTIME
Joseph tucks
Ruthie in her BED, adjusting her STUFFED TOYS/ANIMALS.
RUTHIE
(very sleepy)
That was a long day, daddy.
JOSEPH
It sure was, sweetie.
RUTHIE
Nite-nite. (very quiet) I love you,
daddy.
Joseph starts to walk away from
Ruthie’s bed.
JOSEPH
Well… sometimes it is actually worth
it.
MUSIC
FAKE FADE
OUT
INT. JOSEPH’S
HOUSE. RUTHIE’S ROOM. NIGHT
Ruthie is
sleeping as the camera pulls in on her face. She seems worried and scared.
SCARY MUSIC and HORROR MOVIE SOUND FX plays low and builds to a crescendo.
Ruthie shoots straight up in bed.
RUTHIE
(screaming)
Daddy!!
FADE OUT
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